How To Break Up With Your Playlist
How To Break Up With Your Playlist by Kristina-Marie Ross
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: Music and cats."
- Albert Schweitzer
There's a lot of Asian girl bloggers with perfect hair on the internet who have militarised the 'How To Get Over a Break-Up' guide, specifically for the use of millions of girls who just 'can't even'. People seem to forget that there's another really important factor to a severe break up. Let's forget about the awkward corrections you have to make when people ask you if you're spending the weekend with said partner, and the under or over indulgence in your dietary habits - There is a very important domino effect that comes with every decent human being in the separation of their bae.
Your every day playlist.
Looking into things too much? Not quite. Here we have a playlist- Lets say it has 175 songs, average. If you're anything like me (Which I assume you all definitely should be. Because I am good.) these will be a cluttered collection of songs you have prized, shazammed, over-played and decided you can twerk to privately. They can range from Tchaikovsky to David Guetta, Il Divo to Run DMC, Elvis Presley circa 1957 to Taylor Swift 1989 (Unless you're on Spotify- In which case, shake it off. Or, roll your eyes at my bad joke and keep reading.)
With the accessibility of music on the move today, and the option to listen to as much or as little as you like- it's difficult not to pair at least one of the songs on your regular playlist to more or less everything you do. Car journeys, routine walks, hair and makeup regimes- You get the picture. And then there are humans. We now have the capability of pairing a song or lyric to a person, and when you have some kind of particular person (shall we say) in your life, they will sometimes not only link themselves to one song- but albums, entire artists, musical eras. Because, feels.
So when you're together with someone, that playlist is great. It's flourishing. You're adding Sam Smith songs by the dozen, enjoying the harmonies and disregarding the lyrics of the despair that sometimes comes with love- because you know it doesn't concern you. And you're selfish.
Along comes the break up. We'll skip this part, it's boring. If any of you need a reference to what a break up entails, or it's variations- watch any episode of Sex and The City ever made.
The storm is over, you've emotionally castrated yourself to your best friend and your cats are all over you. Time to get on with life and it's familiarities. Morning comes and as routine entails, you turn to your every day playlist.
Let me think about the best way to describe what happens next. It is like somebody has walked into your house after trudging through manure and neglected to remove their shoes at the door. It is like somebody took a biro to your wedding dress and recited your once favourite song all over it in a blue Comic Sans. It is like a homeless man walked into your kitchen, licked a piece of cutlery, put it back in the drawer, left you a note saying what he had done and you have no idea which piece of silverware he has salivated. The violation is there.
The songs you once loved, they've been contaminated with some horrible things- Like, feelings.
Oh and you think you can just listen to the same song you used to love and that the memories will pass? Ah, stupidity. It's been so long. You listen to that song and you resort back to reliance on the longing of another person. A person who isn't there anymore. A person who didn't have a good enough music taste that they had to infiltrate your own. So, the harsh reality of truth is- it's time to break up with your every day playlist.
Please everyone- a 3 minute and 47 second silence for the Alt-J song you will now hate, forever.
And here we are. A new playlist. It's been so long. Is it too soon? Am I ready? Is rebounding really the answer? Yes. In relation to music, yes it is.
So how does one begin a new playlist? Simply put, you should distance yourself from any human feelings whatsoever. Pick some songs that have nothing but detrimental nothingness and no, Ariana Grande does not qualify. Choose some artists who don't have time for love, kindness or etiquette. Slipknot is a popular option, with many post-break-uppers resorting to the many differing avenues of nu metal and 2002. Maybe Satanic resembling individuals aren't your thing, perhaps you're more of a positive person and less of a contorted emotional serial killer. Then there's always The Beastie Boys and the occasional Jessie J song about being single.
Conjure a playlist which is so far-fetched from your previous musical endeavours that there's no way you can link anything back to a memory or person you once before enjoyed. Taylor Swift - Blank Space? No. Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name Of? Yes. The Vaccines - It's Always You? Kill yourself. The Doors - Peace Frog? Praise yourself.
I shouldn't need to explain more. Go against everything your gut tells you about that person, listen to things you know they would never know existed. Drown everything out and allow for suspicious leers over your shoulder when people see the album art that pairs with your choice of song.
I guess we can't always avoid heartbreak, but if there's a song you really value- you can avoid introducing said person to it. Don't let someone contaminate your playlist, it's too exhausting to develop a new one. In fact, it may even be more exhausting than finding a new person.
Playlists are important, don't contaminate them with people.